Dear Me- Get Ready for a Fierceness That Will Move Mountains
To Haley and Sienna's Mom,
I know what you are thinking. Somehow, this is your fault. You pushed for this baby. You fought for this pregnancy. You were scared to death that something would go wrong during labor and it has. You should have just called it a day after the fourth miscarriage.
You think that you just sentenced your family to something awful. It's hard to see clearly now through all of the emotions you are processing, but she's your baby. She is the same baby that has been kicking you for months, doing flips in your belly while you did yoga. This is your baby and she
is the baby you are meant to have. You're the mother God chose for her and you're going to realize that in time.
I'm not going to sugarcoat this. It's going to be the toughest year of your life. Get your big girl pants on and prepare to work harder than you ever have. Right now, you're a good mom to Haley and you've done so much to guide and influence her in positive ways. What you are facing with Sienna is going to be your biggest challenge. You are going to grow and evolve in ways that you never dreamed possible.
You're going to worry about Haley. You're going to feel like a burden has been placed on her. You're wrong. You've just given Haley the gift of a lifetime. She is going to learn empathy at an early age. She is going to be Sienna's fierce protector and it's a role that she will gravitate to all on her own. You will watch the most amazing love and bond grow between the two of them and it will move you. It will make you realize that they are meant to be with each other.
Your marriage is going to face it's toughest year. You will handle this in different ways. You will feel isolated and alone at times, but that won't last forever. Realize that you are both doing the best you can. There is no right or wrong way to deal with this. You will both process it at different speeds. Just know that you'll both get there. Be patient and kind to one another.
Let yourself cry. Let yourself grieve. Don't feel guilty. You are going to become so strong. You will protect your girls with a fierceness that will move mountains. In addition to being challenged, you will be rewarded. Sienna will change you and that's a good thing. You will learn to take things as they come. You will appreciate the little things. You'll stop looking too far ahead and you'll realize that every day is a gift. You will work hard to help Sienna and it will be gratifying. You will celebrate her accomplishments. She is a warrior. She will surprise everyone. Don't let the doctors limit her. You will meet amazing doctors but you will meet doctors that don't see anything but Down syndrome. Trust your instincts. You know your child and you know what's best for her.
You will be welcomed into an amazing community. It will take you time to feel like you belong there, but you will start to feel like you have another family. You will ask them for advice on some of the biggest obstacles you've ever faced. You'll be rewarded with friendship and love.
One day, you'll wake up and this won't seem like some big nightmare that you're recovering from. You'll stop seeing Down syndrome and you'll only see your baby. You will think she is perfect in every way. You'll always be worried about her, but you'll do everything you can to empower and strengthen her. That's your job as her mother.
I know right now it seems like life is never going to be the same, and that is going to be a good thing. It gets better. Motherhood is the hardest and most rewarding job you'll ever have.
So, put those big girl pants on and buckle up for one hell of a journey.
Shannon Striner is the mother to two beautiful girls, ages 4 and 1. Her youngest daughter, Sienna, has Down syndrome. Shannon fought very hard to have Sienna after facing infertility and miscarriages. Sienna is a blessing and she is teaching the family so much about love and patience. Shannon writes about her journey on her blog, www.thislifewegot.com